You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
