last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
