I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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