Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
