i think my tv is drunk
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
