Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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