hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
