that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize