I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
