In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
