I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
