I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
