MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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