Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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