Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
