You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
