Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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