I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
