Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
