My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
