I wannas sexs uuuuu
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
