i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He? As in you personified your dick?
this is an emotional support booty call
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
