Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
