im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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