You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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