Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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