:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
