Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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