Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
