I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
