I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
