Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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