I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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