What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
