Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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