So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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