This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
