flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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