Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
