Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
