Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
