Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
