i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
