Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think my fart just growled at me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
