He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
