Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
