She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
