I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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