puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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