A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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