all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
