Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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